TORONTO – Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne has cautioned Ontarians who live in the drought-stricken regions to refrain from wasting water so that it may be bottled and sold by Nestlé. The pro…
Tattoo parlour employees lose track of which decorations are ironic
TORONTO – Employees at area tattoo parlour Jan Van Inyck have lost track of which decorations in the store have significant meaning and which are only ironic. “I’m guessing that…
Canadian athletes return from Rio to minimum wage jobs
TORONTO – After a strong performance in the Rio Olympics, Team Canada’s athletes have returned home to glory, accolades, and numerous retail positions. “Get out of my way! My shift at Tim H…
Yukon bar lists twelve beers on menu that are unavailable
WHITEHORSE – A local Yukon restaurant is featuring a dozen beers on its menu that are not available to anyone who visits their establishment. Menus at the True North Tavern list a variety o…
Courageous and inspiring woman accidently free bleeds
TORONTO — Today, local marketing associate Ellen Smith stood up for women’s empowerment everywhere by embarking on a bold, 4-hour, totally unintentional free bleed. Smith’s courageous stand began…
John Tory vows to combat Toronto’s out-of-control Drowzee infestation
TORONTO – Declaring that the city’s Drowzee scourge can no longer be tolerated, Toronto Mayor John Tory vowed that he would take swift, decisive action against the problem. “We are aware of…
Teenager reported lost for five years reappears playing Pokemon Go
MEDICINE HAT, AB – A teenager who was once reported lost for five years has reappeared staring at his cellphone playing Pokemon Go. Jason Waterfield was just 15 years old when the Medicine …
Air Transat installs breathalyzer ignition system for all aircraft
MONTREAL – Montreal-based Air Transat will install a breathalyzer ignition interlock system on all of their fleet’s aircraft to prevent any further incidents of inebriated pilots. “Clearly,…
Bernie Sanders hammers against locked cellar doors while impostor endorses Clinton
Portsmouth, NH – Early reports have indicated that the individual who many believed was Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders was, in fact, a cleverly disguised Clinton aide while the real Be…
Public Service Pay Centre accidentally pays employee $2.7 billion in provincial transfer payments
OTTAWA – After a series of clerical and accounting errors, the Public Service Pay Centre, Canada’s centralized payment facility for public servants, has accidentally compensated a federal e…
