TORONTO – After cancelling school classes for another two weeks less than two days before they were set to resume, Ontario Premier Doug Ford said it was a very difficult decision he could h…
Hockey fan called a hero after noticing Habs are bad at hockey
MONTREAL – A quick-thinking hockey fan is being praised as a hero after informing the Montreal Canadiens that the team is bad at playing hockey. Long-time Habs fan Patrick Martin quickly no…
Heroic! This ally promises that the onslaught of transphobia will blow over in a decade or so
In a move that is being referred to as “heroic,” “inspiring,” and “well-intended,” cisgender ally Nicholas Carter reassured trans people today that if they just hang in there for another ten year…
Humane society seizes Brendan Lemieux for biting
NEW YORK – The Humane Society has seized Los Angeles Kings forward Brendan Lemieux for biting another player last Saturday. The 25-year-old American breed was taken away by dog handlers usi…
Terrorist murderer found not guilty by jury of his peers
KENOSHA, Wis. – Terrorist murderers breathed a sigh of relief today upon the news that a jury composed of twelve terrorism and murder sympathizers found terrorist murderer Kyle Rittenhouse …
Ottawa LRT restarts after taping 6 buses together
OTTAWA – After a closure lasting nearly 2 months, Ottawa transit officials have restarted the LRT’s Confederation line after taping several transit buses together and placing them on the tr…
Saskatchewan demands to be recognized as a nation whose main export is ICU patients
REGINA – Saskatchewan Premier Scott Moe has unilaterally declared his province a nation within a nation whose main export are people waiting for intensive care in a better-equipped province…
Ford sends unvaccinated hospital workers to long term care facilities to free up more beds
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford has backtracked on his government’s promise to suspend unvaccinated health care workers and will, instead, send them to long term care facilities to free up more…
