TORONTO – The blockbuster 12-player trade agreement between the Toronto Blue Jays and the Miami Marlins, including the signing of Melky Cabrera, has led many citizens to realize that Toront…
Washington tourism board promotes beautiful views from its fiscal cliff
WASHINGTON – The United States Tourism Board has launched a campaign encouraging people to witness Washington D.C.’s majestic fiscal cliff as it looms over the nation’s capital and the glob…
Nation wakes up to grim reality that Barack Obama is not President of Canada
CANADA – A disillusioned nation woke up this week to the grim reality that Barack Obama’s re-election victory does not make him the President of Canada. “Wait, oh yeah,” the collective thou…
Unpatriotic baby cries throughout moment of silence
OTTAWA – Showing what witnesses agree was a complete lack of respect for the Canadian soldiers who lost their lives protecting our nation from foreign threats, an unpatriotic infant cried d…
Ontario Teachers’ Union: We’ll avoid a strike so long as we don’t have to teach that brat Sammy anymore
TORONTO – Attempting to salvage negotiations before an impending teacher strike, the Elementary Teachers’ Federation of Ontario (ETFO) said they would accept government enforced cuts so lon…
New father looking forward to son living in his shadow
SASKATOON, SK – Beaming new father Jack LaSalle was delighted to announce the birth of his son to the world, and said he was “really looking forward to seeing him spend most, if not all, of…
Arizona woman’s uterus convicted of manslaughter after miscarriage
PHOENIX, ARIZONA – Under the state’s recently passed Women’s Health and Safety Act, an Arizona woman’s uterus was convicted of manslaughter yesterday after miscarrying 3 weeks i…
