VICTORIA – After apologizing for a leaked memo that revealed the B.C. Liberals plan to pander to ethnic votes, B.C. Premier Christy Clark stated that some of her best friends are ethnic. “We deep…
Putin assures Russians that Space will pay for meteor attack
MOSCOW – Russian President Vladimir Putin assured the people of Russia today that Space, the all encompassing dark void comprised of billions of galaxies, supernovae, black holes and planets, wil…
Vatican green-lights ABC production of ‘Vatican’s Next Top Pope’
VATICAN CITY – Officials from the Roman Catholic church announced Monday that ABC has ordered twenty-four hour long episodes of Vatican’s Next Top Pope, a reality TV show documenting the se…
Haggis contains no horsemeat, reassures Scotland’s Food Board
EDINBURGH – Responding to public outcry and concern over the recent scandal involving traces of horsemeat found in UK beef products, Scotland’s Food Standards Agency released a statement to…
Woman stabs coworker over Downton Abbey spoilers
MISSISSAUGA – In reaction to hearing important plot elements from an unreleased episode of Downton Abbey, 56-year-old administrative assistant Deborah Dean lashed out at her company’s 22-year-old…
UPDATE: Pope resigns to spend more time with kids
VATICAN CITY – Pope Benedict XVI announced his intention to resign from the Papacy on Sunday, and sources close to the Pope are saying he’s excited to spend more time with kids. “He’s got a lot o…
Pope resigns, refuses to give up hat
VATICAN CITY – In addition to his sudden resignation as leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict XVI shocked the College of Cardinals by refusing to give up his ceremonial mitre. “I can no lo…
