MIAMI – Speaking at a campaign rally in Florida this week, former GOP presidential candidate Carly Fiorina endorsed Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Tex) for the party’s nomination, in what experts are calling “…
Conservatives say legalized weed really relieves the stress of being Conservative
OTTAWA – In a surprising policy shift, interim Conservative leader Rona Ambrose now says her party supports the legalization of marijuana, citing the drug’s ability to take the edge off of the st…
Queen Elizabeth II officially England’s longest-serving welfare recipient
LONDON, UK – Queen Elizabeth II is now officially England’s longest serving drain of public funds, celebrating her 23,226th day as Britain’s reigning welfare recipient. “Her Majesty is living pro…
China now outperforming U.S. at economic meltdowns
BEIJING – Following decades of surpassing the United States in education, manufacturing, and international trade, China is now outperforming its American rivals at economic meltdowns. “It’s super…
Fans disappointed after Brangelina wedding fails to give meaning to their lives
LOS ANGELES – Fans of actors Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie found themselves at a crossroads this week, after news of the celebrity couple’s recent nuptials failed to add a trace of meaning to thei…
Exiled Nazis conflicted over Germany-Argentina World Cup matchup
RIO DE JANEIRO – The surviving members of Argentina’s once-extensive Nazi war criminal community find themselves torn over whom to cheer for in Sunday’s World Cup final between their adopted home…
Eugenie Bouchard only one win away from not having to talk about whom she’d like to date
LONDON – On the heels of her decisive victory in Thursday’s Wimbledon semifinals, Canadian tennis star Eugenie Bouchard now finds herself only one win away from never having to answer questions a…
Ottawa Police confirm Claude Giroux has softest hands in the NHL
OTTAWA – Constable Ian Sturgess of the Ottawa Police Department confirmed today that hockey star Claude Giroux does indeed have the softest hands in the NHL, after the Philadelphia Flyers center …
Newfoundland to name first person that sobers up the province’s next premier
ST. JOHN’S – With no candidates stepping forward to replace recently resigned premier-designate Jack Coleman, the province of Newfoundland announced today that it will name the first citizen that…
Porn star degrades herself by running for Toronto mayor
TORONTO – Friends and family of adult film star Nikki Benz find themselves at a loss to explain the actress’ baffling decision to debase herself by running in the upcoming Toronto mayoral electio…