TORONTO – Inspired by the refreshing desperation of Montreal’s 375th anniversary “Sorry” tourism campaign, the city of Toronto has released its own series of “Sorry” ads, aimed at apologizing to …
Trump shatters racist image by giving Urban Development job to only black friend
NEW YORK – In a move that supporters insist shows he’s not the racist critics accuse him of being, U.S. President–elect Donald Trump has offered the nation’s Secretary of Housing and Urban Develo…
NHL hopes ‘Hockey Fights Cancer’ campaign proves as successful as previous initiative, ‘Hockey Tacitly Accepts Brain Injuries’
NEW YORK – A spokesperson for the NHL says he’s confident that the league’s ‘Hockey Fights Cancer’ campaign will prove to be every bit as successful as its last initiative, the wildly effec…
Kellie Leitch initiates diplomatic relations with Trump by borrowing dog whistle
OTTAWA — In a symbolic gesture aimed at demonstrating the “shared values” she hopes will serve as the foundation of strong diplomatic relations between her party and U.S. President-elect Do…
EDITORIAL: Stop freaking out because I’m waving this loaded gun around, by Maxime Bernier
By Maxime Bernier Can everyone please calm the fuck down? Tabarnak. Look, just because I’m reaching out to Canada’s firearms manufacturers and gun owners to raise money for my leadership bid, doe…
Toronto school bus driver shortage solved by friendly stranger in windowless van full of candy
TORONTO – The “unanticipated” shortage of school bus drivers that left more than a thousand TDSB students unable to get to school this week has since been resolved by a friendly stranger in a win…
Just tell me what you want me to think and I’ll think it
By: Patrick Brown, Leader of the Progressive Conservative Party of Ontario Ugh, Mondays right? You wake up, pour yourself a nice cup of coffee, and sit down to write a tidy little missive promisi…
Scientists discover new, Earth-like planet for humanity to destroy
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Researchers at NASA this week announced the discovery of a new, Earth-like planet orbiting the star closest to the sun, which they say possesses physical properties condu…
GOP hails Melania Trump as role model to nation’s strong black women
CLEVELAND – Following her stirring keynote address at the Republican National Convention, senior ranking GOP officials are now hailing Melania Trump as a role model for America’s strong black wom…
Tories slam Liberal budget’s reckless acknowledgement of First Nations, veterans
OTTAWA – Conservative Party leaders had harsh words for the federal budget tabled by Finance Minister Bill Morneau yesterday, blasting the Liberal government for its “irresponsible” acknowledgeme…