OTTAWA – In an attempt to her boost sagging poll numbers, and put an end to the relentless, crushing loneliness that haunts her every waking moment, Conservative leadership hopeful Kellie Leitch …
Tony Clement blasts CBC for unethical practice of expecting him to answer questions
OTTAWA – Conservative MP Tony Clement took to social media this week to air his grievances with the CBC over the broadcaster’s unscrupulous interview tactic of expecting clear answers to simple q…
Michael Chong starting to think Tories aren’t very left-wing at all
OTTAWA – Tory leadership hopeful Michael Chong reiterated his reservations this week about the rhetoric espoused by his rivals for the party’s nomination, telling supporters that he’s starting to…
Kellie Leitch heartbroken that people would act on hate she’s incited
OTTAWA – Conservative leadership hopeful Kellie Leitch expressed her dismay Sunday over the fatal shooting at a Quebec City mosque that left at least five dead, saying that she’s devastated peopl…
Blue Jays, Bautista to remain in loveless contract “for the kids”
TORONTO – The Toronto Blue Jays announced this week that the club and slugger Jose Bautista have decided to continue their loveless partnership for at least one more year, citing a shared concern…
Appearance at Trump inauguration completes Caitlyn Jenner’s transition to total asshole
LOS ANGELES – Reality TV star Caitlyn Jenner announced this week that she will appear at President-elect Donald Trump’s January 20th inauguration ceremony, completing her highly publicized transi…
Trump cements job creator status by booking Three Doors Down
WASHINGTON, D.C. – United States president-elect Donald Trump delivered this week on his campaign promise to put unemployed Americans back to work by hiring the country’s single least-employable …
Poor Americans saved from tyranny of government healthcare by rich Americans with government healthcare
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Senate voted 51-48 this week to open debate on a budget resolution that Republicans hope will free working class Americans from the tyranny of having to use t…
Jared Kushner named senior advisor to President based on ability to have sex with Ivanka
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A member of Donald Trump’s transition team revealed this week that son-in-law Jared Kushner will be named a senior advisor to the President, based on the fact that he possesses…
Four Seasons Centre for the Performing Arts to be renamed Axe Body Spray Fuck Dome
TORONTO – In a move that has caught local patrons off-guard, the Canadian Opera Company and multinational giant Unilever have agreed to a surprise, six-year partnership that will see the Four Sea…