WASHINGTON D.C. – Immediately after being confirmed as Secretary of Education in an extremely close Senate vote, Betsy DeVos spoke to the media and promised to secure her General Educationa…
Quiz: Can you make it through the “extreme vetting” Donald Trump is proposing for visitors to the U.S.?
Donald Trump has proposed more stringent criteria for people wishing to enter the United States of America. Here is an exclusive view of the questions would-be visitors must answer. Sources Prayi…
‘Will the two of you please shut up’ – an open letter to Kevin O’Leary and Kathleen Wynne from the Beaverton
Dear Mr. O’Leary and Premier Wynne, Having had the opportunity to review your recent “open letters” to each other, we at the Beaverton have decided to write our own open letter to the two of you,…
Quiz: Can you beat me up?
It doesn’t matter why I’m asking, and I am certainly not going to attack you or anything, but if it came down to a contest of physical supremacy between you and I, who would emerge the victor? So…
What, you thought I liked normal sex?
Yesterday as I was enjoying my standard evening of watching youtube clips of houses burning down and berating my youngest son for no reason I saw a breaking CNN report about my longstanding ties …
Rookie Minister of Youth Justin Trudeau survives Trudeau’s cabinet shuffle
OTTAWA – Despite a cabinet shuffle that saw prominent MPs Stephane Dion and John McCallum moved aside, inexperienced Minister of Intergovernmental Affairs and Youth Justin Trudeau has manag…
The Beaverton apologizes for anti-Brad Wall tweet where we called him ‘a fucking fuck face’
TORONTO – The editors of the Beaverton offer our deepest regrets to Saskatchewan Prime Minister Brad Wall for our recent tweet where we called him a “fucking fuck face.” “Obviously things g…
Breaking: douchebag facebook friend to run for Conservative Party Leader
Sydney, N.S. – Ending months of speculation and rumour, that annoyingly conservative guy from your facebook who you went to school with has announced that he will indeed run to be leader of…
Local man keeping New Year’s resolutions secret like he is some kind of fucking spy or something
CALGARY – Local man Gary Delaney is refusing to tell anyone what his New Year’s resolutions are, because apparently he thinks he is a top secret government official who must protect his clo…
90% of local man’s texts just Rogers alerts
BARRIE – Local man Aarav Verma has done the math and determined that 9 out of every 10 texts he receives are notifications from his cell phone carrier about potential deals in his area. “I …
