WASHINGTON D.C. – In the wake of Joe Biden’s debate performance and Donald Trump surviving an assassination attempt, a report from the University of Toronto political sciences departm…
5 tips for acting like you know what you’re talking about while watching Canada-Argentina
It’s the biggest men’s soccer match in Canadian history tonight, as Canada takes on World Champions Argentina in the semi-finals of the Copa America. And that means thousands, possibl…
Brits replace their right wing party with centrist party for same reasons Canadians will soon replace our centrist party with right wing party
LONDON – In a clear message that voters want to see a progressive, compassionate centrist government, the UK has replaced the Tories with Labour. Just as soon, Canadians will replace the Li…
Americans make odd choice to celebrate decision that led them to this point
“UNITED” STATES OF AMERICA – To the surprise of international observers, millions of Americans chose to celebrate the anniversary of their declaration of independence today, des…
Report: going 2 years without getting paid millions to manage a hockey team sufficient punishment for abetting sexual abuse
NEW YORK CITY – Yesterday the NHL reinstated former Blackhawks staff Joel Quenneville, Stan Bowman and Al MacIsaac, confirming that 2 years is the maximum someone who covered up one sexual …
“You should root for the Oilers because they’re Canadian,” says man who has confused this with the fucking Olympics
TORONTO/CALGARY/VANCOUVER/MONTREAL/OTTAWA/WINNIPEG – Casual hockey fan David Hildebrandt was surprised to discover that you are not routing for the Canadian team in the Stanley Cup Finals, …
Wealthy Canadians announce BMW X3 convoy to protest capital gains tax hike
OTTAWA – Wealthy Canadians have begun a ‘Freegains convoy’ to Ottawa in their BMW X3s in protest of the government’s plan to raise the inclusion rate on annual capital gai…
10 perfectly innocent explanations for why Pierre Poilievre won’t get national security clearance
Pierre Poilievre’s refusal to get a national security clearance so he can read the report on foreign interference in Canada’s elections is raising eyebrows, with many suggesting that …
Oilers fans not sure what’s worse: losing Cup or realizing Leafs fans were right about how good Atlantic Division is
EDMONTON – Down 3-0 to the Florida Panthers, Edmonton Oilers fans report they don’t know what is making them feel worse: the possibility of being swept out of the Stanley Cup Finals, …
“Teams in states with no income tax have an unfair advantage” says adorable rube who thinks NHL players pay tax like normal people
Windsor, ON – Local NHL fan/non-accountant Mark Wilinsky has determined that the reason teams like Tampa, Florida and Vegas are consistently good is because they play in states with no stat…
