CALGARY – The revelation that Canada’s junior hockey teams may have committed group sexual assaults on two different occasions, one of which Hockey Canada attempted to cover up, has come as…
Journalism students rush to sign up for ‘report whatever cops say as true’ seminar
TORONTO – Students at Toronto Metropolitan University’s journalism program were eager to attend the annual cops always tell the truth seminar. “As journalists we’ve been t…
Edmonton man furious he actually does know ‘Steve from Toronto’ American acquaintance just asked about
CANCUN – Local man Garth Evers was beside himself to discover he actually does know the ‘Steve from Toronto’ this American he just met on vacation inquired about. “When he…
Read our best guesses as to what Patrick Brown did
Well over 24 hours since they disqualified Patrick Brown from the leadership campaign for “serious allegations of wrongdoing” the Conservative Party still has not announced what Brown…
Canadian man spends entire summer inventing excuses for why he can’t go camping
Stratford, ON – Local man Eric Morgenstern will once again be spending his summer thinking of reasons why he can’t join friends on their upcoming camping trips. “Life would be s…
Ontario allows landlords a record rent hike to deal with the inflation that only affects them and not tenants
TORONTO – Ontario has doubled the maximum rate a landlord can raise a tenant’s rent next year in order to help them cope with the cost of living increases that affect them and not the peopl…
Excited Democrats speculate that if Republicans strip 1 or 2 more fundamental rights away, they might win the midterms
WASHINGTON D.C. – In the wake of the Supreme Court’s ruling overturning Roe v. Wade and Republican states taking immediate measures to ban abortion and force women to give birth, a bo…
Run down, tiny Semi-detached can’t believe these suckers paid 1.8 million to live in it
TORONTO – A dilapidated semi-detached home in the Leslieville area was shocked to discover that the new residents had paid nearly 2 million dollars to live in it. “1.8 million?! Dolla…
Read the ‘Canada Day Freedom Convoy’s’ new list of demands
The Freedom Convoy is back everyone! After making Ottawa the most exciting place to have racial slurs screamed at you back in February, they are planning to return to protest on Canada Day. But s…
US Supreme Court rules women have no right to abortion because fetus could grow up to be gun owner
WASHINGTON D.C. – In a 5-4 decision the U.S. Supreme Court reversed Roe v. Wade yesterday, holding that women could not be allowed to have abortions because some of the babies would likely …
