THE INTERNET, PROBABLY – Swedish YouTube celebrity PewDiePie was disavowed by Disney and YouTube over anti-Semitic viral video content this week, in a story that we can not even begin to pr…
Nation’s doctors demand musicians stop consulting them about love, having blues
OTTAWA – As hospitals and family doctors find themselves increasingly overworked in the winter months, a statement released today by the Canadian Medical Association is imploring musicians …
I voted to release millions of hornets, and I already regret it
I’m an average citizen, like you. I could be your neighbor, your co-worker, a member of your extended family. I’m also one of the many, many people who recently voted to release millions of furio…
Nation’s dads issue collective “OPA!” after plate dropped in restaurant
MISSISSAUGA, ON – In response to the accidental dropping and breaking of a plate by a server at a Mississauga Kelsey’s earlier today, the nation’s dads have publicly issued a collective “OP…
REVEALED: Star Wars Episode 9 will be titled “Y’all Want Some More Dad Mysteries?”
In a long-awaited announcement from Lucasfilm yesterday morning, it was finally revealed that the upcoming Star Wars film will be titled “Star Wars: Episode 9 – Y’all Want Some More Dad Mys…
Op-Ed by Kellie Leitch: “Oh no, I’m the Ben Carson, aren’t I?”
Oh, no. Oh god, I see what this is… Crap. All this time campaigning for the Conservative leadership, I was sure I was going to be seen as Canada’s Donald Trump. Particularly because I’ve be…
Local miser visited on Christmas by three Frankensteins
LONDON, ENGLAND – Due to a high demand for helpful ghosts on Christmas Eve, elderly businessman and heartless miser Agamemnon Scoggs was forced to endure a cautionary visit from three Frank…
Once again millions of Canadians literally forget how to drive after first snowfall
OTTAWA – Ministry of Transportation offices across Canada are once again finding themselves overrun with what has become a familiar sight each winter, as hundreds of thousands of Canadians …
Standing Rock nervously counting days until white protester puts on headdress
STANDING ROCK, ND – As protests against the Dakota Access Pipeline head into winter and state aggression persists, Standing Rock Sioux water protectors brace for yet another problem – the s…