OTTAWA – Despite best efforts and an emotional journey through time and space, three ghosts visiting Official Opposition Leader Pierre Poilievre failed to inspire him to change his ways thr…
Editorial: All I wanted for Christmas is you hitting your performance goals
TORONTO – Hey, thanks for jumping on this call. I’m just going to go ahead and record, if that’s ok, thanks. I wanted to put this 1:1 in your calendar during the awkward three days between…
Poilievre asks BC Conservative leader for tips on just refusing to leave
VICTORIA, B.C. – CPC leader Pierre Poilievre has expressed keen interest as news broke that BC Conservative Party leader John Rustad is unilaterally rejecting his party’s attempts to remove…
Man who gets winded climbing stairs describes plan to repel home invasion
GEORGE, NB – Despite no self-defense training and being incredibly out of shape, cell phone kiosk employee Wade Creamer, 27, has often described to friends his plans for countering a potent…
Danielle Smith invokes notwithstanding clause to ban Canada’s Drag Race
EDMONTON – Following the invocation of the Notwithstanding Clause to shield the Alberta government from legal challenges arising from bills targeting the province’s 2SLGTBQIA+ community, Pr…
Demonic dog baring teeth and growling just happy to see you, says owner
ARNPRIOR, ON – Local residents expressing concern over the behaviour of an aggressive dog were reassured by its owner that he is actually quite friendly and loves people. Residents walking …
Alexa explodes after Canadian replies to query with, “Oh, yeah, no, for sure.”
OROMOCTO, NB – A local man almost lost his home yesterday after his Amazon Alexa smart home device burst into flames. Lloyd Wentworth, 38, says the fire started as he was preparing dinner i…
French authorities won’t charge Louvre thieves on grounds the crime was really cool
PARIS – Following a brazen daylight heist of the French crown jewels from the Louvre, French authorities have declared no charges will be laid, citing the country’s “Trop Cool Pour Être Un …
New Tron movie looks pretty co – aw, shit is Jared Leto in this?
Saint John, New Brunswick – Initial excitement over the latest entry in Disney’s sci-fi Tron franchise was ruined when it was discovered it also stars Jared Leto. During a recent family mov…
Second Amendment activists in shock as Charlie Kirk shot instead of just schoolchildren
OREM, UT – Americans who champion the right to bear arms were shocked Wednesday as controversial commentator Charlie Kirk was shot and killed, as opposed to the ordinarily acceptable trend …
