Guelph, ON – Ralph Schelling, mortgage broker and certified dunce, was overheard on a local patio expressing cautious optimism to a friend that things may finally be getting better. “I mean…
Morneau: Small business owners can continue income sprinkling if they spend one night in haunted house
OTTAWA—Backtracking on controversial reforms, Finance Minister Bill Morneau announced that small businesses would be allowed to keep certain tax advantages, provided they survive one night in a h…
Renowned geneticist dismisses own earlier warnings about uprising of evil clones
BRUSSELS — Pre-eminent geneticist Dr. Javier Arantes stunned colleagues at the opening of the International Academy of Life Sciences (IALS) conference with a keynote speech celebrating the potent…
TTC Promises ‘Transit System of the Year’ decals will be on buses by 2023
TORONTO — The TTC has committed to have decals commemorating its 2017 ‘Transit System of the Year’ award displayed on vehicles no later than 2023. “We’re in close consultation with our supp…
STUDY: Scientists spend 60% of time figuring out whether they could, 20% thinking if they should
Waterloo, ON – A new study by University of Waterloo psychologists has identified how much time scientists devote to figuring out whether or not they could do something, versus if they should do …
BC premier condemns violence on both sides of wildfires
Victoria, BC—British Columbia premier John Horgan held a news conference to sharply criticize both the wildfires raging across the province and the people fighting them. “We can all agree that fi…