OTTAWA – After revelations that both Justin Trudeau and Rona Ambrose had spent part of the Christmas holiday on property belonging to extremely wealthy supporters, Thomas Mulcair and the ND…
Planet Earth II bonus footage includes 17 hours of animals shitting
UNITED KINGDOM – Following the highly successful premiere of Planet Earth II, the producers of the documentary have released 20 hours of additional footage, a full 17 of which show animals …
Kevin O’Leary’s leadership bid derailed after condor attempts to hatch his head
OTTAWA – Kevin O’Leary has been forced to suspend his campaign for the Conservative party leadership after a California condor, mistaking O’Leary’s shiny, white pate for an egg, attempted t…
America regrets using Monkey’s Paw to wish for a proactive president
UNITED STATES – Despite the cryptic warning given by the one-eyed shopkeep, several months ago The United States used a monkey’s paw to wish for a proactive president, a wish they now regre…
Inspiring! Trudeau promises to raise cap on private refugee sponsorship by 1 for every 1000 retweets he gets
OTTAWA – If you think nobody in the world is trying to stop Trump you’re wrong! Justin Trudeau has just tweeted that for every 1000 retweets he gets he’ll raise the cap on private refugee s…
Single piece of Canadian news drags its bloody, mangled carcass onto local man’s Facebook feed
MONTREAL – After barely managing to get onto the front page of the CBC website, a single piece of Canadian news has, against all odds, managed to find its way onto local man Jared Pulver’s …
Mike Pence takes moment during VP oath to lecture Ruth Bader Ginsburg on length of her robes
DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA – During the crowning moment of his political career, Vice President-elect Mike Pence decided to take a moment during his oath of office to explain why the length of Ru…
Only father figure in local woman’s life about to ask her on date
MONTREAL – After struggling in a male-dominated field for several weeks, Jennifer Smythe has finally found an older man, Fred Copeland, who can provide guidance, experience, and is, unbekno…
Local 26 year-old thought more about croissants than own parents this week
VANCOUVER – As he took stock of his week on Saturday afternoon, local 26 year-old Kyle Allen realized that he had spent more time thinking about croissants than about the two people who con…
Minister for Jazz says it’s about the policies he’s not enacting
OTTAWA – Under fire for perceived laziness and seemingly random governance, MP Louis Billings has been forced to publicly defend his appointment as the head of the highest jazz regulatory b…