VANCOUVER – With only two days to go before the province votes, the British Columbia provincial NDP is frantically looking for some way, any way, to hand this election to the Liberals again…
Graduating university student going to miss having excuse to live in own filth
MONTREAL – After four years of using his educational status to deflect judgement, Concordia student Navin Singh already misses having a solid excuse to live in his own filth. “Used to be th…
75% of Canada 150 budget spent on hiding worst parts of national history
OTTAWA – After rejecting most of the proposed Canada 150 projects in March, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau explained today that the majority of the anniversary budget had already been earmar…
Christ sees shadow, predicts 6 more weeks of Easter
JERUSALEM – After spending three days sheltered in his underground tomb, Jesus Christ, Our Lord in Heaven, saw His shadow, which means six more weeks of Easter. “Here he comes, here he come…
Jian Ghomeshi announces new podcast that will download to players without your consent
TORONTO – After being acquitted of multiple sexual assault charges last year, disgraced Q host Jian Ghomeshi is getting back into broadcasting with a podcast that your iPhone will download …
Newlyweds spend evening carefully cropping squalor out of Caribbean honeymoon photos
Banff, AB – After popping open a bottle of red wine and updating to the newest version of Photoshop, newlyweds Karen and Derek Miles spent a romantic evening carefully removing any trace of…
Via Rail’s Canada 150 passes delayed until 2019
MONTREAL – Despite their best efforts to get them printed and shipped, Via Rail confirmed this morning that they would be delaying their Canada 150 youth passes until 2019. “I know Canada 1…
Political cartoonist under mistaken impression that political cartoonists have never been more important
OTTAWA – Robert Belmont, a cartoonist who contributes editorial cartoons to several major newspapers, incorrectly believes that political cartoonists have never been more important than the…
Trump unsure if today’s backlash is because of something he said, did, started doing, threatened to do, or is thinking of doing
DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA – After yet another day of protests and media rebukes, Donald Trump is privately wondering if this backlash is due to a planned policy, enacted policy, an offensive twe…
BREAKING: Investigation into vote buying reveals Conservative Party has no real members
OTTAWA – An investigation into vote buying allegations in the Conservative leadership race has led to the discovery that the Conservative Party currently has zero members. “We thought it wa…