CANNES – After eleven days of electrifying and challenging cinema at the Cannes Film Festival, the prestigious Palme d’Or was awarded to MULLINS PROC. CRX34-8, a thorough portrayal of 60-year-old…
If Trump gets elected, I’m moving to the United States
BY: BRIAN LILLEY When he announced his candidacy for President of the United States, the public and the media at large dismissed him as a buffoon. Now, almost one year later, there is a very real…
TTC introduces surcharge on 6 am to 11 pm rush period
TORONTO – In order to meet its budgetary demands, the Toronto Transit Commission announced that it will be increasing its fares starting next week, but only for the rush 17-hours that last …
Bald eagle wins America’s Got Talons for ninth straight season
NEW YORK – In a completely unsurprising development, Iggy, a 10-year-old bald eagle from a mangrove swamp in Florida, has once again emerged triumphant in the latest season of America’s Got…
Two Tinder bots really hitting it off
TORONTO – In a heartwarming Valentine’s Day development, chatbots Caleb and Brianna, initially programmed to fool and then defraud human users on the popular dating app Tinder, have allegedly swi…
Forcillo jury found guilty of attempted justice
TORONTO – Immediately after revealing their verdict on the case of James Forcillo’s murder of Sammy Yatim, the 11-person jury was charged with and found guilty of attempted justice. “There …
All of nation’s ampersands drawn the wrong way
TORONTO – A 76-page report released by the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education has revealed that “every last one” of the ampersands created by hand in Canada has been drawn incorrectly. “A…
Three guys who return foundling baby ruin hilarious premise
EDMONTON – The potential for gut-busting comedy and madcap antics has been extinguished after three unlikely bachelors, Joe, Moe and Perot, promptly returned a baby that unexpectedly arrived on t…
Italian dinner interrupted by violent antipasto demonstration
WOODBRIDGE, ON – A pleasant end-of-week dinner at Alice Fazooli’s restaurant in Woodbridge was interrupted for many families yesterday evening when a ten-person mob of antipasto protesters storme…
