KINGSTON — Stunning fellow customers and cashiers alike with his nerves of steel, local adrenaline junkie Todd Foster struck a blow for the environment this Thursday by only asking for 4 gr…
Rudy Giuliani really feels like he’s starting to get the hang of this
WASHINGTON — After joining President Trump’s legal defense team and embarking on a series of questionable media interviews, Rudy Giuliani has reportedly stated that he is “easing into this …
Toronto Sun finds efficiencies by just letting Ontario PCs write their election coverage
TORONTO — As newspapers across Canada face budget cuts, the Toronto Sun has announced it will save money by outsourcing all of their Ontario election reporting to Doug Ford and his Progress…
Bill Cosby to be digitally replaced by Christopher Plummer in Cosby Show reruns
HOLLYWOOD — In the wake of Bill Cosby’s conviction on three counts of sexual assault, Carsey-Werner Productions has announced that reruns of The Cosby Show will be digitally altered to repl…
NRA outraged Waffle House shooting hero didn’t use gun, be white
NASHVILLE — NRA senior executives are reportedly outraged that a deadly mass shooter at a Waffle House was foiled, not by a white man with a gun, but instead by James Shaw Jr., an unarmed A…
Trudeau aims for pipeline accord by Freaky Friday-ing Alberta, B.C.
OTTAWA — In an effort to secure the construction of the Trans Mountain oil pipeline, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has engineered a magical “body switch” on the provinces of Alberta and Bri…
Trump eager to turn away Syrian refugees he’s currently creating
WASHINGTON — After calling for airstrikes on three government sites in Syria, President Trump is reportedly most excited about the prospect of denying refugee status to the untold Syrian ci…
Canadians excited to buy Second Cup marijuana if there’s no Starbucks nearby
VANCOUVER — Following the news that Second Cup will convert some of its coffee shops to marijuana dispensaries, Canadians have resoundingly responded by asking if there’s a Starbucks dispen…
Couple at housewarming party successfully pretend they aren’t praying for housing bubble crash
TORONTO — Young married couple Travis and Jessica Kirkman report managing to hide their secret desire for a Toronto housing market implosion from the home-owning guests at a recent housewar…
Trump fires teenagers investigating his old haunted amusement park
ATLANTIC CITY — While investigating a reportedly-haunted amusement park, four local teen sleuths and their crime-solving great dane had their case halted by an unlikely source: current Pres…
