HOLLYWOOD — In the wake of Bill Cosby’s conviction on three counts of sexual assault, Carsey-Werner Productions has announced that reruns of The Cosby Show will be digitally altered to repl…
NRA outraged Waffle House shooting hero didn’t use gun, be white
NASHVILLE — NRA senior executives are reportedly outraged that a deadly mass shooter at a Waffle House was foiled, not by a white man with a gun, but instead by James Shaw Jr., an unarmed A…
Trudeau aims for pipeline accord by Freaky Friday-ing Alberta, B.C.
OTTAWA — In an effort to secure the construction of the Trans Mountain oil pipeline, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has engineered a magical “body switch” on the provinces of Alberta and Bri…
Trump eager to turn away Syrian refugees he’s currently creating
WASHINGTON — After calling for airstrikes on three government sites in Syria, President Trump is reportedly most excited about the prospect of denying refugee status to the untold Syrian ci…
Canadians excited to buy Second Cup marijuana if there’s no Starbucks nearby
VANCOUVER — Following the news that Second Cup will convert some of its coffee shops to marijuana dispensaries, Canadians have resoundingly responded by asking if there’s a Starbucks dispen…
Couple at housewarming party successfully pretend they aren’t praying for housing bubble crash
TORONTO — Young married couple Travis and Jessica Kirkman report managing to hide their secret desire for a Toronto housing market implosion from the home-owning guests at a recent housewar…
Trump fires teenagers investigating his old haunted amusement park
ATLANTIC CITY — While investigating a reportedly-haunted amusement park, four local teen sleuths and their crime-solving great dane had their case halted by an unlikely source: current Pres…
Toronto Police demand to know why LGBTQ community not investigating, solving more homicides
TORONTO — Following the arrest of alleged serial killer Bruce MacArthur, Police Service Chief Mark Saunders have declared Toronto’s entire LGBTQ community “on thin ice” for failing to arres…
Trump dismisses closed door president-for-life comments as ‘just locker room fascism’
WASHINGTON D.C. — After being secretly recorded praising China’s President Xi Jinping for ending term limits, President Trump dismissed his autocratic comments as just “regular locker…
Declining attendance leads Catholic Church to perform ‘ambush baptisms’
VATICAN CITY – In an effort to combat plummeting Catholic numbers, Pope Francis has okayed a program of ‘ambush baptisms’ to boost the church’s membership. “Let’s face it, between Vatican I…
