WOODBRIDGE, ON – After an aggregate 1-0 loss to Sweden in the playoff stages of World Cup qualifying, one Nonna seems to have the answer to explain the nation’s first qualification failure …
“I know exactly how to fix America” claims teenager who just watched Fight Club for the first time
COCHRANE, AB – Local teen Ryan Killicky claims that he has the answer of how to fix the massive social and political turmoil occurring within the United States, and that the solution lies w…
Emotionally unavailable boyfriend cries as sports legend retires
BROCKVILLE, ON – Reports this evening indicate that 27-year-old Dillon Carsaw, who up until now has shown little to no sign of emotional affection towards others, has spent the past two hou…
Japan green-lights “Gundam Seinfeld” as revenge for every shitty US anime remake
TOKYO – Earlier today the nation of Japan formally vocalized its displeasure after years of seeing countless beloved anime features ruined by Hollywood produced live-action remakes, and sta…
Popular girl you thought would peak in high school reportedly still killin’ it
CASTOR, AB – Reports early this afternoon have indicated that the popular, intelligent, and beloved girl you thought would reach her social peak in high school is still absolutely killing i…
QUIZ: Can you earn the respect of this super cool 6th grader?
So you’re stuck at a boring social event with a bunch of other adults and looking for a way to kill the time. What better way to do that than to befriend – and then hang out with – th…
Toronto Raptors looking to compete for title of fourth or fifth best team in NBA
TORONTO – With the upcoming NBA season rapidly approaching, there is an air of excitement in Toronto as Raptors fans see their teaming having a real shot to do the unthinkable and finally w…
Jason Statham cast as Tinky Winky in gritty Teletubbies reboot
LOS ANGELES – Miramax has recently announced that action star Jason Statham has landed the coveted role of Tinky Winky in the upcoming live-action reboot of beloved British children’s show …
US Open begins with ceremonial janitor throwing tennis balls off the roof
NEW YORK CITY – Marking the start of the US Open, tens of thousands gathered outside the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center Sunday evening to witness the ceremonial janitor throwi…
REPORT: If you die in an Escape Room, you die in real life
VANCOUVER – Casting a dark shadow on a favoured millennial pastime, the Intergovernmental Panel on Escape Rooms released a shocking report today that states in no uncertain terms, if you di…
