BURNABY, BC – Local authorities are once again reminding shoppers of the danger of leaving anyone in a hot car after police were forced to smash a window to rescue local father Dan Coolidge…
86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages
TORONTO – Statistics Canada reported today that roughly 9 out of 10 emails sent during August were out of office messages. Out-Of-Office-Traffic (OOOT) spikes are expected in summer as workers fo…
Major cookie conglomerate expects record sales thanks to child labour initiative
KITCHENER, ON – Dare Foods CEO Martin Schmitt told investors on a conference call he expects record sales again this year thanks to his company’s use of an unpaid child labour force to sell…
Couple with kids has sex outside of date night
WINNIPEG – Friends of Kari and Robert Hern have confirmed the occurrence of unplanned marital sex between the couple last Tuesday. Sources within Kari’s book club and Rob’s poker circle say that …
Samsung-Volkswagen partnership will see recalled cars set alight with recalled phones
Black Rock Desert, NV — Two global brands facing separate multi-billion dollar faulty product crises are teaming up to address their problems with a unique sponsorship plan. Under the agre…
Vancouver Ferrari dealership announces diamond-encrusted “new driver” decal upgrade
VANCOUVER – Vancouver’s Ferrari dealership has launched a luxury “New Driver” decal upgrade option. The premium sticker caters to the teenage offspring of ultra-rich parents who are for som…
Alberta’s NDP government to outlaw pickup trucks, steak in 2017
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Rachel Notley announced today that her government has enacted new legislation to ban the use of pickup trucks within the province effective January 1, 2017, with …