LEGEND VALLEY, OH – Professional birthday party entertainer Twinkles the Clown, who has been described by her doctor as ‘very mentally sound’, got lost on her way to meeting some fellow bir…
A&W now only serving chicken raised without antibiotics, hope for the future
NORTH VANCOUVER, BC – Following the success of progressive initiatives like paper straws and the Beyond Meat burger, A&W Canada, who has already committed to using chickens raised witho…
Sir Topham Hatt resigns amid allegations of being “weird with the trains”
ISLAND OF SODOR – Sir Topham Hatt, the longtime controller of the North West Railway on the Island of Sodor, resigned at a press conference yesterday after several reports surfaced of bizar…
When watching football, how am I supposed to explain to my son what a Seahawk is?
Editorial By Grant Stone, football loving father Like a lot of people, there’s nothing I like better on a Sunday afternoon than watching some NFL in my old armchair, with a cool beer in my hand. …
Tiger Woods still looks tired from all that extramarital sex he was having a few years ago
JUPITER ISLAND, FL – Having not won a PGA tournament since 2013, a wide array of golf experts agreed on Thursday that golfing legend Tiger Woods still looks “very tired” from all that extra…
CEO of HuaWei refuses to stop using expression ‘It’s my way or the HuaWei’
SHENZHEN, CHINA – Ren Zhengfei, the founder and CEO of HuaWei, is under severe pressure from HuaWei’s Board of directors to stop using the expression ‘It’s my way or the HuaWei’ or risk bei…
Exhaustive study finds Hamilton Tiger-Cats neither tigers nor cats
HAMILTON, ON – Already making waves in the greater Hamilton area, scientists at McMaster University have completed a study that finds, among other things, that the Hamilton Tiger-Cats are n…
Report: Jealous ballet understudy still leading cause of death in France
PARIS – The Institut National de la Statistique et des Etudes Economiques released their annual study of the leading causes of death in France yesterday, and for the 168th consecutive year,…
Dad escalates economic sanctions against son who will not get dressed
STELLARTON, NS – After finding his first round of sanctions ineffective in motivating his 5-year-old son to clothe himself, father of two, John Carlin, has vowed to increase economic penalt…
Baha Men abandon multi-year investigation into who let the dogs out
NASSAU, BAHAMAS – After beginning a fruitless investigation into the identity of the person (or persons) who released 48 dogs from a Bahaman dog pound during a party in March 2000, internat…
