Good parents and bad parents both have one thing in common: They both ruin their child’s life with emotional baggage. It’s inevitable. Use our handy quiz to find out exactly what you …
After record ratings, CNN renews 2016 U.S. election for second season
ATLANTA – Only one day before the season finale CNN has announced it is renewing the 2016 presidential election for a second season in 2017. “Although American Democracy has been a tv insti…
Breaking: Dave starts 4th attempt at moustache
WINNIPEG – Multiple eyewitnesses have reported that Dave is trying to grow a moustache again. Although initial reports were mixed upon further inspection of photographic evidence, experts a…
Uberpool replaces tinder as the top app to meet psychopaths
PALO ALTO – A study of Google Play and the App Store indicates that Uberpool has surpassed Tinder, Grindr, and Pokemon Go as the top app to meet local psychopaths. “Uberpool is just so much…
Roman philosopher Seneca disappointed in college named after him
TORONTO – Seneca, the roman stoic philosopher and advisor to Roman Emperor Nero, has voiced his displeasure at the college that carries his name. “I know I teach that we should all strive t…
Parliament forced to re-vote after pile of wet flour mistaken for Tom Mulcair
OTTAWA – In a surprising turn of events this week, Parliament was forced to retake a vote after a pile wet flour was mistaken for NDP leader Thomas Mulcair. “I just assumed [Thomas Mulcair]…
Local jets losing their mind at dog show
EDMONTON – A dog show has caused an uproar among local jet owners, after the show caused many jets to become panicked and upset. “All day my cute little Lockheed Martin RQ-3 Darkstar ‘Fluff…
America advised to pick more realistic dream
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Citing recent behaviour, a concerned group of friends and international representatives took the United States of America aside today and quietly advised it to pick a more real…
Study: 95% of airport delays caused by someone stopping their true love from boarding plane to take job in San Francisco
A new study has found that 95% of airport delays are caused by someone seeking to stop the love of their lives from getting on a plane to take that job in San Francisco. Further delays are also c…
Toronto Argonauts unveil new mascot “Empty Seat”
TORONTO – As part of a multi-million dollar rebrand of North America’s oldest professional football franchise, the Toronto Argonauts have replaced its previous mascot, “Jason the Masc…
