OTTAWA – Just hours after the Gray Jay was named Canada’s national bird, the White-hooded Warbler has been named Canada’s nationalist bird. “Yes, the friendly and resilient Gray Jay best re…
After 3 weeks stuck in ice, Minister of Fisheries telling MPs to draw straws
TERROR BAY, NU. – Two days after the last of the weevil-infested hardtack was eaten, Minister of Fisheries and Oceans Dominic LeBlanc has begun walking around with a handful of straws, tell…
Canadian Air Force facing setbacks after several more CF-18s fucked by giant metal birds
OTTAWA – The aging Canadian Air Force suffered yet another setback today, after giant metal birds had sex with several more of its planes. “Earlier this morning, giant metal birds ploughed …
CETA UPDATE: Even other countries’ francophone minorities pissed off at Canada
NAMUR, BELGIUM – After talks on the Comprehensive Economic and Trade Agreement were stalled by the francophone minority in Belgium, it has become apparent that every francophone minority in…
Local imam pretty sure entire congregation CSIS agents
TORONTO – After noticing a spike in attendance, local imam Karim Al-Tamimi believes that almost all of the people who regularly attend his masjid are agents of the Canadian Security Intelli…
SCOTUS rules hunting humans a protected form of free expression
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a landmark decision, the Supreme Court of the United States has found a law limiting the right of citizens to hunt people unconstitutional. “Unrestricted campaign spen…
3 survivors rescued from wreckage of HMS Terror
TERROR BAY, NT – Two years after the first ship from the failed 1845 Franklin expedition was discovered, researchers in Nunavut have found the wreckage of the HMS Terror, along with three s…
Local man so old
KELOWNA, BC – Locals are reporting that Kelowna man Gregory Campbell is so old, possibly the oldest man who has ever lived. “God, look at this old man,” said local Kevin Andreas of Campbell…
Local man manages to turn belch into words ‘I love you’
WINDSOR, ON – Shortly after the Chinese take-out dinner he ordered in celebration of his wife’s birthday, local man Bryce Mulwich has managed to turn an enormous burp into the words ‘I love…
Idiot dock-side vendor selling priceless seashell art for only $16.99
TAMPA, FL – Canadian tourists returning from summer vacation report that one rube souvenir vendor in Tampa is selling priceless art for $20 or less. “The guy told us himself that this…