EASTER ISLAND – After demanding the return of a culturally significant basalt statue that was stolen from their land 150 years ago, the Rapa Nui peoples of Easter Island have taken one of G…
Notley to cut 8.7% of the Edmonton Oilers
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Rachel Notley announced that she would be cutting 8.7% of the Edmonton Oilers. Citing the team’s overall poor performance for the past two seasons, Notley said th…
Ontario fixes hallway medicine by removing walls creating open concept medicine
TORONTO – Ontario’s government has announced it has finally eliminated hallway medicine by removing any partitions or internal walls within hospitals. “Patients will no longer have to wait …
Comrade Kenney demands Alberta politburo lower oil quotas
EDMONTON – Comrade Jason Kenney, member of the United Commissar Party is demanding Premier Notley’s politburo decrease oil production by 10 percent. Comrade Kenney made a stirring speech ra…
GM asks for another bailout to improve efficiency of lay-off process
OSHAWA, ON – General Motors Canada is asking the federal and provincial governments for another financial bailout to help the corporation to terminate employment for thousands of Canadians …
Ontario cuts French-sounding words from government services
TORONTO – The province of Ontario has announced it will be eliminating any words used in government services that Premier Doug Ford finds ‘French-sounding.’ 45% of various nouns and verbs u…
Facebook down: Millions of users took to the streets to yell out their personal data in hopes of being heard by advertisers, spy agencies
MENLO PARK, CA – Millions of loyal Facebook users took to the streets across North America and Europe to yell out their personal data during an outage earlier today. “I live in San Antonio,…
Calgary euthanizes aging Olympic mascots
CALGARY – With the fate of the Calgary Winter Olympics bid rejected by the public in a plebiscite, beloved 1988 Winter Olympic mascots Hidy and Howdy were euthanized yesterday. Those in fav…
North Korean leader blushes at number of standing ovations in Ontario Legislature
PYONGYANG – North Korean Leader Kim Jong-un was reportedly blushing after watching so many standing ovations for Premier Doug Ford by the Ontario PC caucus during Question Period. After a b…
Protesters block construction of new essential oil pipeline
BURNABY, BC – Several protesters have been arrested after chaining themselves to equipment in an effort to block further construction on Canada’s controversial essential oil pipeline. A lar…
