OTTAWA – The Liberal government’s proposed law to protect transgender rights will force all men to use women’s bathrooms among many other “awful” things, report Canada’s conservative aunts.
“This is just wrong,” said Aunt Debra while shaking her head. “We shouldn’t be telling men to use the ladies room. I don’t want to share a stall and have to pee together.”
Aunts expressed concern that the new legislation meant to protect transgender people from bullying, harassment, and being fired because of their orientation would lead to the sterilization of all heterosexual couples to establish a transgender dystopia.
“I’m completely against the forced sex changes of our children,” imagined a terrified Aunt Liz. “First it was the gays and now it’s the cross-dressers. What’s wrong with this country? If only Harper was still around, we wouldn’t be in this mess.”
The nation’s aunts also reported that they will steadfastly oppose the government’s plans requiring them to wear men’s clothing at work and being called ‘Jim’ every Tuesdays and Thursdays.
“I fear that my children will grow up having to learn things that I don’t know about,” added Aunt Stella.
With files from Luke Gordon Field
