Montreal Mayor Denis Coderre made a dramatic announcement today outlining his controversial plan to dump the entire editorial staff of MTLBlog, along with thousands of its most inane listicles and egregious clickbait, into the St Lawrence river, the city’s main waterway.
At a press conference at city hall early this morning, a frustrated Coderre described the dump as a necessary evil. “We don’t have a lot of options here. Either we get rid of this garbage now, or it pools up in our parks, in our streets, or even in our houses. There’s only so much space left in our sewer system for insufferable blog posts about poutine and unpaid interns.”
Federal Environment Minister Leona Aglukkaq has said that the Harper government is “concerned” about the plan. “We are monitoring the situation carefully. The St. Lawrence provides drinking water to millions of Quebecers, and the health consequences of this much mindless, secretly-sponsored viral content being consumed on such a broad scale could be dire.”
For their part, environmental groups are outraged by the announcement. “The St. Lawrence is a natural habitat, a fragile ecosystem,” said Emily Dumont, spokesperson for the Montreal branch of Greenpeace Canada. “Occasionally dumping billions of litres of toilet water and used condoms into it is one thing – but ‘Ten Reasons Why I’ll Never Date a Short Guy’? ’10 Things that Piss Me Off About the Fall’? How much of this stuff actually has anything to do with Montreal anyway?”
