RAQQA, SYRIA – Citing the overwhelming backlash surrounding Instagram star Josh Ostrovsky, better known as The Fat Jew, signing with CAA, the Islamic State announced Monday that it has removed the notorious plagiarist from its kill list.
“We don’t want anything to do with that talent-free asshole,” said ISIS spokesman Abu Al-Nazir. “It’s career suicide – and not the good kind.”
Al-Nazir added that his organization’s stance is a matter of principle.
“Fostering a culture of rape and beheadings is one thing,” said an ISIS spokesman, “But stealing jokes? The Quran is very clear on that. Or maybe it isn’t. I don’t know, we’re pretty much making this shit up as we go. But damn it, at least we’re generating our own material!”
Given its strong aversion to The Fat Jew’s methods, the decision by ISIS to rescind its jihad against Ostrovsky seems problematic, but Al-Nazir insisted that’s not the case.
“As much as we’d all love to decapitate that exploitative piece of shit,” explained Al-Nazir, “the fact is, he’d probably just repost the video of us doing it as his own.”
