WINDSOR, ON- An armed mugging was dramatically not foiled last night by local neutral Samaritan Kyle Gierst. Gierst, who witnessed the incident from across the street, took complete notice, and observed it from a safe distance.
“When I saw what was happening, I first thought I should just get help.” Gierst said, spreading unflavoured margarine on his toast. “But then I asked myself, WWSD. What would Switzerland do?”
“I’m no hero. Or villain. I’m really a more a side character with nothing to do in the story.”
The victim says she admires Gierst’s commitment to the middle path.
“It’s hard to find someone with that much neutrality in their hearts these days,” said Olivia Torres, who lost $300 in the mugging. “There’s a special place in purgatory for guys like that.”
Those in the community are calling Giest “courageously impartial” and praise his inaction. At press time, Geirst was giving a very non-specific description of the mugger to the police.
