You’re an adult, and have resolved to live healthier and cook your meals at home. Congratulations! It’s all there in the freezer. Which is the problem, because you completely forgot to take something out to defrost last night. Here are 7 great meal ideas you could have made if you weren’t such a failure.
Prosciutto and Cheese Ravioli
You just had to take it out, put it in a pot, and boil it. But now even that is impossible because instead of taking literally one second to put the bag in the fridge last night, you decided to watch four more episodes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, fell asleep, and rushed out in the morning to work, completely oblivious to the fact that come evening you will need some form of sustenance. Looks like you are in for another night of dry, crushed Mr. Noodles with the soup mix sprinkled on top.
Piri Piri Chicken
With fresh Portuguese seasoning, this chicken is zesty and has just the right amount of kick. Take off the skin and you have a few meals that are packed with protein and easy on the arteries. What’s even more amazing is that despite launching itself out of your overstuffed freezer like the boulder from Raiders of the Lost Ark every time you open the door, you still haven’t managed to thaw it out yet. You had the day off and opened the freezer three times to get popsicles. What’s wrong with you?
Seasoned Pork Roast and Mashed Potatoes
Straightforward to make and easy on the wallet, this hearty, satisfying roast may not impress on Instagram, but will certainly impress in your gullet. However, at this moment, it’s more likely to impress gliding down a curling rink or being fired from a trebuchet, because it’s still frozen completely rock solid. Why do you keep putting stuff in the freezer? It’ll be fine in the fridge for a couple days.
Beef Stroganoff
A classic with great flavour and needing only brief preparation, the perfect meal for those nights when you get home late from work and need something you can make in less than half an hour. Or at least it would be if you remembered to thaw out the meat. And even then, that ground beef has been there for two years. It’s so badly freezer burned that it looks like a giant rusted brick of steel wool. And yet you persist in the delusion that you will one day make use of it. The only thing gaining nourishment at your place tonight is that beef’s growing symbolism for any potential you once had.
Spring Asparagus and Shrimp with Lemon Pasta
This an excellent summer dish, filling but without the usual heaviness of pasta. Add some garlic and black pepper seasoning, and a little lemon, salt, and butter on the asparagus, and you have a meal that’s flavourful and easy to make for the whole family. Which is why when your grandparents get here and realize you had to order from Boston Pizza in a panic because you forgot to thaw out the shrimp, they are going to be so disappointed. They survived through the Great Depression and a world war, and you can’t even remember to take something out of the freezer. Think about that.
Roasted Lemon and Dill Salmon with Sweet Potato
Light, flavourful, and packed with omega-3 fatty acids, this well-balanced dish has little to no fat and helps control cholesterol when it’s actually ingested and not just lying beneath the coffee you haven’t used since you first moved in. And no, you can’t just microwave it. Microwaving defrosted salmon is like eating soggy sponges peeled off the bottom of a shoe. But maybe that’s what you deserve.
Duck Confit
You worthless fuck.
