QUEEN’S PARK – Pitching itself as “one of the most transparent governments in the history of Ontario,” the Ford government has announced that it will radically curtail transparency.
The Ford Government unveiled plans today to “modernize” Ontario’s freedom-of-information laws, specifically by exempting the records of the premier, cabinet ministers, parliamentary assistants and their offices from FOI laws.
“Folks, we understand we have a duty to Ontarians, and we want to promise you: nothing at all will change. We’ll be just as transparent as ever,” said Premier Doug Ford, holding several bulging manilla envelopes from various property developers.
“Think about it: if we’re already so transparent, why would we need laws to enforce transparency? There’s nothing like the honour system to police honour.”
Ford went on to explain that his government remains “focused” on the issue, mainly the uncomfortable possibility that records related to the Greenbelt and cellphone scandals could be made transparent. “But that’s not why we’re making the changes retroactive, you understand. It’s just that it really isn’t appropriate for a forty-year-old law to apply to things that happened forty years ago. Or even things that happened more recently, if those things make us look bad.”
The Ford Government also maintains that there is plenty of precedent for this. “Ontario is the only jurisdiction that doesn’t protect its poor, vulnerable politicians from the prying eyes of the evil public,” explains Public and Business Service Delivery and Procurement Minister Stephen Crawford.
“If some random Ontarian, say the premier, were to accidentally use his personal cellphone for business, once or twice or several times a day, you’d want him to be protected from his innocent mistake, right? This is about freedom of information. Specifically, the freedom of information not to be seen.”
Opposition leader Marit Stiles condemned the actions. “The Ford government clearly is just trying to cover up its scandals. This isn’t fair, specifically to opposition politicians who’ll never get to abuse these laws themselves because Ontarians keep voting Ford in for some reason.”
So far the Progressive Conservatives have maintained their commitment to transparent non-transparency in the face of the backlash. “We released a whole bunch of government financial records,” notes Crawford. “Were those from eight years ago when the Liberals were in power?”
Ford then grabbed the microphone to add, “But again, you don’t have the freedom to that information anymore. Retroactive, remember?”
