CHICAGO, IL – Last Friday, after being pushed down an escalator and forced to perform for hours on end, Slinky reached its breaking point.
“I’m tired of bending over backwards for you people!” it shouted. “And I’m tired of bending over forwards too!”
The beloved spring toy, a staple in the industry since 1945, has up until now been known as quiet, flexible, and maybe a little old-fashioned. However the demands of the job have taken its toll, both mentally and physically.
“I’ve been in a downward spiral,” cried Slinky. “I used to have a spring in my step, but the things I’ve gone through are enough to make anyone recoil. I’ve been stretched too far. I’ve gotten tangled up by the wrong crowd. I’ve been bent out of shape more times than I can count. I’ve done it all for the sake of YOUR entertainment – battery free, I might add – and never once have I received a ‘Thank you’ or a ‘Sorry’ or a ‘You did good, Slink. You did good!'”
Slinky is not the only toy to face challenges when navigating the high-pressure demands of the entertainment industry.
“I’ve gone through many ups and downs, that’s for damn sure,” says Yo-yo.
“I’m starting to feel worn out, I’m just constantly getting pulled in so many directions,” says Stretch Armstrong.
“Once you join this industry, everyone wants a piece of you. And then, inevitably, you lose parts of yourself,” says Mr. Potato Head. “I tried to speak out before, but they took my mouth!”
After much contemplation, Slinky has made the decision to take an extended break from the performance world and focus on other endeavors.
“I don’t know what I’ll do yet,” it shares, with a hopeful expression. “Maybe I’ll study art, or teach others to slink. Maybe I’ll settle down and start a family or better yet, a podcast. What I do know is that I’m just going to do what I’ve always done – and take it one step at a time.”
