by Jameson Varner, CEO
I’m the CEO of a major accounting firm, which means I have my finger on the market’s pulse.
Both financial and tech journalists have been predicting that artificial intelligence is a bubble that will inevitably crash, soon bringing the rest of the stock market and global economy tumbling down with it. I for one am confident that this will all be worth it if I get to live out my dream of laying off 100, or ideally up to 5000 of my currently secure employees.
Some predict this AI bubble will burst because nearly 50% of the S&P is currently AI stocks that can never possibly reach the revenue projections necessary to even turn a profit. Others cite how AI is nothing but a giant plagiarism machine that’s only good for creating creepy deepfake videos and guzzling up the entire world’s potable water.
I truly don’t care, as long as I get to send just one mass email saying “You’ve all been replaced by cheap machines – clear out your desks!”
What drives a visionary entrepreneur? Is it innovation? Fortune? Getting to live like a god on earth knowing the law can never touch you? No, it’s the fantasy of getting to fire some poor powerless idiot who works for you. Some plebeian joke making $85k a year who now gets replaced with an LLM chatbot that can’t possibly replicate a fraction of his work.
I’m getting hard just thinking about it.
If crashing the entire global economy (and possibly environment) is what it takes for me to throw that loser and thousands of his knucklehead colleagues out on the street, then that’s money well spent. I’ve got my impenetrable bunker built out in New Zealand, and I’ll be kept warm every night thinking about how we built AI technology that couldn’t even get google search results right and then used it to put millions of poor saps out of work just in time for the Great Collapse.
When I built my corporate empire, and by that I mean when my father retired and left me his venture capital firm, I promised him that one day I would use a glorified autocomplete program that requires the same clean water supply as Winnipeg to annihilate the job market, even if it required me to create a market crash that made 2008, 2000, and 1929 look like hiccups.
He looked at me with a tear in his eye and said he was “proud of me”, though that might’ve been the syphilis talking. Either way, I’m doing it.
So please, try and hold off on that blatantly looming stock market catastrophe just long enough for me to use AI chatbots to justify firing a bunch of my dipshit workforce.
After all, Christmas is just around the corner, and maybe we can replace that with AI too.
