Riyadh, Saudi Arabia – Silver Lake Partners, Saudi Arabia’s sovereign wealth fund, and Jared Kushner were shocked when they found out their $55 Billion buyout of EA did not include the new, downloadable content.
“We should have seen this coming,” stated Kushner. “It’s a classic EA move, the base purchase is never enough without the bug fixes, patches, and eventual DLC. Now EA has the upper-hand.”
EA has responded by saying that they plan on releasing a few DLC packs the investment companies can also take private, like new skins the employees can wear to work, new cosmetics for the CEOs who they can hire and fire, and a whole new campaign that sees the company try and make a Super Mario ripoff game.
“See, the company ain’t the company without that downloadable content,” stated EA’s current owner, Fat Paulie. “Those Saudi’s gonna get the company, and they’re gonna think they’re having fun. But when they see all their friends bought the DLC company, well then, they’re gonna buy that too. We’ll never stop releasing DLC and printing that cash.”
Jared Kushner has reportedly been in talks not only to purchase the DLC for EA, but also has pre-ordered EA’s sequel company EA 2: Return of the Arts.
