REGINA – A local woman is celebrating tonight after finding her long lost work sock in the last place she looked – the lint trap of her dryer.
“There’s really only a few places that missing socks can go when they disappear in the laundry,” local nightlife hostess Marissa Simpson said, clutching the rediscovered sock happily. “Behind the drum, the lint trap, and real Christian purgatory. I’m just glad it wasn’t the last option.”
Much like a magician with a very specific sick fucking fetish we can’t name on this website, dryers are known for making socks disappear. But when Simpson’s sock went missing, she assumed the sock would turn up somewhere else entirely.
“I looked in the washer, and behind the washer, and in the hallway, and in the laundry bin,” she listed thoughtfully. “I didn’t even think about checking the dryer again until the next day, which was kind of stupid of me, I guess.”
When Simpson checked the drum, it was totally empty – much like a magician’s hat during another one of his depraved displays of witchcraft. Then, Simpson thought she’d check somewhere a little more farfetched – the dryer’s lint trap, a notoriously small tray that seems like an unlikely place to find a sock as large as a knee high.
“Lo and behold, there it was – a long black sock in that thang,” Simpson smiled. “It all worked out. Maybe Mondays aren’t so bad, after all.”
Simpson is accepting in-person congratulations at her workplace, the White Rabbit – Regina’s only place for reliably disgusting live magic entertainment.
