PALO ALTO, CA — GoBananaz, the world’s premier simian social media site has debuted a long awaited feature allowing users to heave faeces at each other.
“This is a game-changer,” said Tiny, a Madagascan lemur and self-described GoBananaz addict. “We all know how easily a GoBananaz exchange on a completely non-controversial topic – say, the merits of the post-Thanos MCU – descends into ad-hominem attacks. Well now that disagreement can proceed the way God intended: through the flinging of excrement at your opponent’s stupid face.”
“3-D printing has been around for ages, yet no one has ever thought of using it to mae caca. Can you believe it?” signed silverback gorilla Bongo, CTO of GoBananaz. “Our programming team pulled more all-nighters to get this working than I can count. Mostly because as an ape, I can only count to six.”
GoBananaz was able to launch the feature in a surprisingly short amount of time, given the time-consuming coding process they employ of having a thousand monkeys bang away on a thousand computer keyboards until one of them somehow writes the correct code.
“We sure lucked out,” Bongo said, celebrating the programming feat with three minutes of powerful chest-thumping.
While the feature has proven extremely popular, being employed by 98% of GoBananaz users within a day of its launch, it does have its detractors.
“I’m just not a fan,” said Millie, a Bornean white-bearded gibbon. “This signals an accelerated downward spiral in online discourse. Just yesterday I was on a GoBananaz comment thread with Winkie — a Brazilian marmoset — discussing how Foucault absolutely shaped Western thought, whereas Derrida was a fraud with a terrible haircut – and suddenly splat! Fresh steaming turds across my face.”
At press time, no other primates, including humans, were available for comment, as they were too busy laughing at viral videos of monkeys receiving facefuls of monkey shit.
