OTTAWA – After celebrating their 150th anniversary, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police have started to wonder what level of unspeakable villainy they will be able to achieve after reaching their third century of disservice.
“Between all the dynamite theft, barn-burning, and murder of sled dogs, the RCMP has set the bar high in terms of how much damage we can do this country while still posing as a law enforcement agency,” RCMP commissioner Michael Dueme wrote in an open letter with a pen that was stolen from a pipeline protestor.
“By the time we hit 300 years, I believe we will be able get into controversy on a cosmic scale”
Dueme continues, “In 2173, we expect the RCMP to be breaking space unions, discriminating against officers of extraterrestrial origin, and using AI to frame the people we beat senseless.”
Experts believe that once a colony on Mars is established, the RCMP’s potential for evil will increase tenfold, with crime tips from two planets not to act on.
5-year veteran of the force Annie O’Toole states that she can’t wait to help continue the RCMP’s reign of terror in the world of tomorrow, “I’ve been training for years now for the day my fellow officers and I open fire on each other with laser weapons. I just wonder what my main method of transportation will be. Abused alien horse or spacecraft I illegally confiscated.”
At press time, the RCMP is looking to increase the budget to make their uniforms more goofy-looking to offset the malicious acts they are sure to commit.
