OTTAWA – After learning of the generous 75% tax refund received by Canadians who donate to a political party, the Chinese government has issued an urgent request asking for an Elections Canada tax receipt in the hopes of earning back a few hundred bucks come tax time.
Reportedly, the Chinese government has been left scrambling, due to the impending April 30th tax deadline.
“Every tax season you promise yourself you’ll set aside some time but we’ve really just had a lot going on lately,” added a spokesperson for the Chinese Embassy, referring to the country’s clandestine intelligence operation to sway Canada’s last two elections by illicitly funnelling hundreds of thousands of dollars to dozens of MPs and federal officials.
“Now, I know we may have gone a little over the legal contribution limit of $1650 dollars but every little bit helps. Now if only I can find that other form…” trailed off the increasingly flustered spokesperson frantically rifling through papers.
According to sources, the Chinese government plans to use the approximately $1200 tax rebate to reduce what they refer to as an “onerous” Canadian tax burden.
“Between property taxes on secret police stations, income taxes for employees of fake cultural organizations, and corporate tax on all our front businesses, we’re really getting rinsed,” said a senior Chinese diplomat who agreed to speak anonymously. “It’s nice to have a little something we can write off for a change.”
The official also stated that in order to prepare the Chinese Embassy’s Canadian tax return to claim their political donation tax credit, they were assigning upwards of 14 additional staff to help navigate the Canadian tax system.
“In China the government just tells people what to do. If the Canadian government already knows how much we owe, why do we have to go through this strange cultural performance? I thought China’s bureaucracy was bad,” added the official.
Officials at Canada Revenue Agency said they were unlikely to approve the request due to a lack of necessary supporting documentation, owing to the fact that most of the donations were made in cash via a complex series of shadowy intermediaries. However, Chinese officials stated that they are seeking advice from top tax professionals on claiming refunds from their “generous” political donations via off-books intelligence operations.
“After speaking to the guy at HR Block, he assured us that if we instruct our intermediaries to do a better job holding on to paperwork next time, we could be in for a hefty refund after the 2025 election. Pretty sweet.”
At press time, the Chinese Embassy announced they were being audited by the CRA after it was discovered that one of their covert operatives had over-contributed to his TFSA.
