Well over 24 hours since they disqualified Patrick Brown from the leadership campaign for “serious allegations of wrongdoing” the Conservative Party still has not announced what Brown actually did. So in the absence of any actual facts to make jokes about, read on to see what we think may possibly have happened!
1. Turned signing members up into a multi-level marketing scheme where every new member was required to sign up at least two friends or risk losing their chance to win a set of steak knives.
2. Furnished his house in tile instead of reclaimed wood sensually cut by loggers.
3. Hosted an “all ages” voter registration drive at a Barrie bar
4. Ran against Pierre Poilievre
5. Was too much like the Liberals in terms of social policy, multiculturalism and general corruption.
6. Skipped the sacred annual pilgrimage to the shrine of Harper.
7. Forgot to give Canada Proud their cut
8. Used campaign funds and staff for his personal benefit in a way that is unethical but also something that every other Conservative campaign did as well but the Party was worried he might actually win because he signed up so many new members so they selectively enforced the rules against him alone in order to ensure that didn’t happen.
9. Robbed a bank.
Which one do you think it was? Sound off in the non-existent comments below to let us know!
