CAMROSE, AB ― Lunchroom sources have confirmed that the Pride-themed doughnut you brought from work for your transgender daughter is making for a welcome break from her usual daily routine of being taunted, deadnamed, threatened, and beaten.
The doughnuts were handed out free to you and your coworkers, most of whom regularly vote for politicians who want to restrict your daughter’s access to medical care and school sports, but were suddenly willing to keep those opinions to themselves while their mouths were occupied in scarfing down the sweet treat. Luckily, enough doughnuts were left for you to snag an extra for your daughter’s lunchbox, which is currently furnishing the energy she needs to fight off transphobic classmates in the second half of her day.
Nutritional experts say the high sugar content will release endorphins to help her cope with the stress of being purposefully misgendered by classmates and teachers alike. Additionally, it should satisfy her sweet tooth in place of the juice box she no longer drinks because the school bans her from the girls’ washroom, forcing her to hold it until she gets home.
“Sure, I guess it helps, in a strictly relative sense. I mean, in that a day when you get shoved into a locker and eat a doughnut is better than a day when you get shoved into a locker and don’t eat a doughnut.”
However, your daughter did add that she didn’t want to sound ungrateful, but she has already been gifted a rainbow T-shirt, keychain, water bottle, and soccer ball this month from sources as close to her as you yourself and as distant as your mailman. Between that and the fact that her current interests are in DIY lip balms and playing the flute rather than “being trans,” she can’t help thinking that the cost of the doughnuts would have been better spent by donating to an LGBTQ charity.
The management at your work was pleased to be of help. “Of course, we wanted to do even more for trans people especially, what with all the attacks they’re enduring from the politicians we donate to, but the doughnut store was all sold out of pink, white, and blue doughnuts. I guess that means some other company already got around to solving transphobia.”
At press time, your daughter’s bully was pronouncing the half doughnut he had snatched from her hand before she finished was “a bit stale.”
