VICTORIA, BC – A woman recently told to go fuck herself has revealed that she would, in fact, rather be fucking herself.
Kat Gagnon, 34, was just going about her regular day as a customer service representative, when a random disgruntled man told her to smile. When she failed to do so — or in her words, continued doing her job — the man told her to go fuck herself.
“Yeah, I’d love to, Chad – I’m just assuming his name was Chad – but I’ve got shit to do,” Gagnon says. “These reports aren’t going to do themselves, as much as they might like to.”
Ms. Gagnon actually has a long history of fucking herself, dating back to her teenage years when she discovered her electric toothbrush was good for more than just cleaning teeth. With so many years of experience under her belt, Ms. Gagnon has been known to fuck herself so good, even her Magic Wand has a cigarette.
Unfortunately, her expertise in fucking herself has not prevented men from continuing to provide their less-than-helpful tips. “Go fuck yourself, go fly a kite, straight up just go to hell – believe me, it all sounds a lot more appealing than talking to you, dude,” says Ms. Gagnon. “But I’m too damn busy to get busy.”
When reached for comment, the man who provided Ms. Gagnon with the less-than-helpful comment – whose name is, unsurprisingly, Chad – was taken aback. “I, I didn’t know… chicks do that?” he stammered. “Then what the hell do they need men for?”
At press time, Ms. Gagnon was reported to be trying out new ways of fucking herself, such as not drinking enough water and forgetting that wine gives her a wicked headache.
