HALIFAX – After months of ye olde stocking issues, Halifax Annual Renaissance Faireth has proclaimed the event will be cancelled due to insurmountable supply chain mail issues.
The yearly gathering of history enthusiasts and guys who unironically say “Deus vult” has been struggling to get its stock of mesh armor consisting of interlocking metal rings in place for the annual celebration of medieval Europe. A faireth spokesperson told us that the only trader they could find was untrustworthy and known for selling copper ingots of inferior quality.
“HEAR YE HEAR YE,” shouted pretend town crier Oliver Harkenon, who insisted we call him that instead of his real name Howie Keyes, “YONDER FAIR OF DAYS PAST HATH BEEN STRUCK DOWN BY LACK OF STOCK AND WHEEL EFFICIENCY REGARDING CHAIN ARMOUR DELIVERY.”
Throughout 2021 supply chain mail issues have disrupted the revenue of small businesses across the country ranging from renaissance fairs, to Medieval Times restaurants, to Ridley Scott movies that nobody ever saw.
Without the supply chain mail working at full efficiency, organizers had considered using cloth and plated armour as the only protection, but plans were abandoned after realizing these practices were far from the historically accurate affair that celebrates a time best known for senseless war and destitution.
“Alas, the journey through acres and fields hath been for naught,” said some other nerd, “Ye town crier should hath proclaimed earlier! I prepared and seized vacation from my Best Buy toils! Yet my longings for an era whence workers hath fairer time off hath been postponed. Forsooth!”
The festival expects to be running at full capacity once the supply chain mail returns to normal At such time, the organizers plan to begin the event by unleashing hundreds of bubonic plague rats throughout the crowd.
