TORONTO – A new study conducted by the University of Toronto has found that the phenomenon known as “dream cheating” narrowly beat out heart line incompatibility and the unexpected presence of “The Lover” in a couples’ tarot card reading session on the list of primary causes of divorce among professional psychics.
The study discovered that unlike regular couples, psychics in relationships were significantly more likely to take the act of dream cheating seriously. Lead researcher on the project, psychologist and amateur medium Marianne Winters, stated that those results were sad but unsurprising.
“While non-psychics generally tend to keep the dream world and the “real” world separate, the same cannot be said for those with mystic abilities,” said Winters. “For them, cheating on a partner in a dream is infinitely more damaging because the hurtful possibilities are much grander. In a dream, not only did your girlfriend just make out with Tom Cruise, but she did it on a flying yacht with a picture of your crying face on it, wearing the dress you bought her for your fifth wedding anniversary.”
“There’s a LOT to spiritually unpack there, and most couples just can’t, or won’t, do that work.”
Psychic couple Pauline and Gary Thompkins filed for divorce three months ago, citing “irreconcilable preternatural differences.”
“My wife woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and told me that she dreamt I had slept with her work friend,” Gary explained, sadly taping up the last box of his possessions in preparation to move out for good that afternoon. “I can’t argue with that. Ever since I saw a picture of her friend in my crystal ball last year I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her, so it’s very possible that I spiritually manifested this whole situation.”
Pauline insisted that the divorce had been a long time coming, and stemmed not only from the in-dream cheating but from weeks of damning evidence found in their morning horoscope readings.
“He’s an Aries, and they’re cheaters, so my dream made total sense,” she added. “It was the final nail in the metaphorical and metaphysical coffin that was our marriage. I need to be with someone whose dreams consist strictly of monogamous scenarios.”
At press time, the Thompkins had agreed that custody of their three children would go to the parent with the most nurturing tea leaf reading.
