REGINA, SK – A local teen has filed a lawsuit against the popular vaping company Juul after seeing how cool his peers looked filing their own.
“I was late to vaping in the first place,” said Sam Wilson, a high school senior. “But when I saw Scotty and Pranjal talking to their counsel after 3rd period, I knew I had to get in now. And I figure I’m young, this is the time to experiment with the legal system.”
High schools are reporting alarming upticks in the number of tort lawyers on campuses from coast to coast. Experts believe the increase is due to reports of vape related illnesses and the social cache of filing a grievance that “slaps.”
“I see people posting their notices-to-appear on the [insta]gram, guys are taking girls along for preliminary hearings, it just seems pretty cool to me,” said Wilson.
School staff have expressed concerns regarding the levels of exposure to tort law and the effect that long drawn out cases can have on students’ focus. “We’ve caught students in the halls providing sworn testimony, some teachers have heard about ‘depo (slang for deposition) parties’ being held on weekends,” said one administrator. “It’s a growing issue for us.”
When asked if he thought the lawsuit would be a part of real change in the way the tobacco industry continues to affect the health of young people, Mr Wilson turned somber.
“A part of me knows we’ll be tied up in appeals for the next 5 years and this could all be a waste of time. But it feels nice to be a part of something. And Scotty said he’s going to have a huge party when the settlement comes through. And if it doesn’t work out, maybe we can all sue an oil company or something?”
