HALIFAX – Conservative Party leadership hopeful Peter MacKay has decided to stop speaking in one of Canada’s official languages by substituting his French with the screeching noise made by his fingernails against a chalkboard.
MacKay, who spent the past five years attempting to pass level 1 French on Duolingo, says that he made a valiant effort at learning, but just can’t seem to get the hang of communicating with 20% of Canada’s population.
However, in a nod to francophones across the country, MacKay will irritate everyone instead of only those who can speak and understand French.
“Canadians are strong because Canadians make a strong Canada stronger,” said the former cabinet minister in a speech to a group of supporters before pausing to pull out a small slate.
MacKay then emitted a horrible screeching sound by dragging his nails across the slate surface causing audience members to cringe and cover their ears.
“I will march in a Pride Parade because that’s popular now,” added the former defence minister.
“Some people question whether Canada’s next prime minister should be fluently bilingual,” said Georges Simard, a francophone supporter of MacKay. “At least the chalkboard sounds a lot better than his French.”
Many partisans are hopeful that a Conservative leader who knows less French than a Bloc Québécois leader knows English will win in Quebec.
