OTTAWA – The Involuntarily Celibate community received a giant boon after news that a couple comprised of both a Stacy and a Chad have broken up. With further news breaking that Chad Cunningham and Stacy Williams have announced that they’re ending their relationship.
“It seems like it’s more of a symbolic victory,” says Professor Lisa Dereks, who has studied InCel communities. “Involuntary Celibates are a community of humans who believe that they’re sexually ignored and are being denied sex and companionship because they’re too nice, use android phones, are under 6ft and their head shape makes them not viable candidates for sex. Basically blaming everyone but themselves.”
“Within the Incel community Stacy is a term for a hyperfeminine, attractive, and unattainable women,” Says Professor Dereks. “While Chad is a term for muscular, popular men who are presumed to sleep with lots of Stacys. Which is hilarious, as in all my studies I’ve never come across anyone attractive actually named Chad.”
Sources within the WeBeIncels.net website forum were alerted via a google alert for the words ‘chad, stacy, doneso, no longer together, divorce, unhappy now.’ “I was about to LDAR (lay down and rot).” Wrote forum user, SmallWristCuck, “but now that these two people, who phrenology tells me are fucking all the things I wish I could fuck, didn’t make it? Well, I can raise the thing I try to pass off as a chin a bit higher.”
Forum moderator Five7isAverageHeight was quick to worry what this means for non-Chads. “Look, if a Chad can’t be happy with a Stacy what does this mean for us Betas?” Which led to SmallWristCuck to speculate that the tides were changing. “Maybe the fact that I hate myself, hate women, move my lips while I read, constantly have a poultice on my gout, haven’t seen Cheers, am incapable of deeper insight and have a horrible credit score won’t stand in the way of me getting laid.”
When reached for comment, Cunningham, 48 and Williams, 52, released this joint statement: “After 26 years of partnership and love, we have grown apart after our child left for university. We appreciate everyone respecting our privacy. As this relationship ends, our friendship truly begins anew.” The statement added that they were waiting until after Christmas to officially tell their child, Brandon, who goes by ‘SmallWristCuck’ on the internet, that they are divorcing.
