TORONTO – After struggling to find an appropriate visual representation of calculus that carried any sort of positive connotation, an exhausted textbook publisher finally gave up, throwing her hands in the air before shouting “Fuck it, put four dolphins on the cover!”
The decorating of textbooks with eye-catching photos is an art form that dates back centuries and is the sole justification behind charging hundreds of dollars for physical copies of information available free on Wikipedia. Though while science textbooks thrived by showcasing erupting volcanoes, and the social sciences found their niche in photographs of diverse friend groups laughing around a park bench, math textbooks continued to struggle with justifying their photo covers.
“No it totally makes sense,” explained publisher Mariah Sinteal while drinking from a thermos that smelled suspiciously like chardonnay. “I mean sure, maybe I spent 32 hours straight desperately trying to find a way to really capture the art of calculus because I care about inspiring youth but that’s apparently im-fucking-possible so what do I know!? Besides, calculus is for smart people and dolphins are kind of smart I guess. Or maybe it represents being lost at sea and not knowing who you are anymore. Sure. Let’s go with that. We’re all doomed to fail anyway.”
While confusing, the four dolphins cover is not the most egregiously disconnected photo on a textbook, with that accolade going to a physics journal that sported a portrait of Elon Musk after mistaking him for Nikola Tesla. The photograph has since been replaced with a still-frame shot of an exploding water balloon.
With a new semester on the horizon, the dolphin laden textbooks have been sent out to print as publishers get set to begin new projects. Rumours have already begun swirling around a photo of sleeping pandas becoming the new face of Philosophy 201.
