ST. CATHARINES, ONT – Following the announcement that Alison Hampstead and her husband of six years have decided to end their marriage, Julie Holloman, who works in the finance department, has sent a mass company email expressing her unabashed happiness for this news.
“Finally!” exclaimed Holloman, who divorced her husband 17 months ago. “It took longer than I was expecting, but here we are, another marriage bites the dust,” she continued, with a beaming smile across her face.
Holloman has decorated Hampstead’s office door with a “Congratulations on your divorce” banner, gave her a custom mug that says, “not a Mrs. anymore” and planned a surprise congratulatory lunch so Hampstead can celebrate the demise of her relationship with all of her co-workers. When asked how she is paying for all of this, Holloman responded that she started a collection wherein coworkers can donate a minimum of $5.00 to the divorce fund; she has collected $325.00 so far.
A report obtained from the company’s HR department reveals that Hampstead and Holloman had previously never met or spoken before. The two work in separate departments, on separate floors.
“I was surprised by Julie’s clear enthusiasm for my divorce, mostly because I had no idea who Julie was,” Hampstead admitted. “Maybe we shared the elevator once? She keeps texting me about a ‘single gals’ book club she wants me to join. Apparently, divorcees are more fun than widows. Honestly, I’m just trying to figure out how she got my number.”
Interview transcripts obtained from the HR investigation have offered little insight into this development. “Is it so Julie feels less lonely as a recent divorcee? Does she simply want to support a coworker through a difficult time? Or is she really just that nosy? It’s still too soon to tell” said one co-worker.
At press time, Holloman fainted in shock and delight at the news that Karen from legal is also getting a divorce.
