BATHURST, NB – A 2008 Honda Odyssey that made multiple trips through Canada’s East Coast and was a hub for horny teens to lose their virginity in is up for sale.
Rod, patriarch of the Delonge family, posted the ad on Kijiji in hopes of getting a better price. “It’s a great vehicle packed with memories,” he said. “I’d rather it go to someone who would appreciate the history.” In the posting was a photo of the exact leather seat that a nervous 16-year old Norman Delonge reclined to better allow Tasha Curry to lead his throbbing member inside her for the first time, which Rod captioned as “cushy with lots of legroom.”
“I came around to kick the tires,” said Mitch Heathers, a one-time paramour of eldest sister, Ashley. “See if it’s got enough space for me to take my goods to the Fredericton Farmers’ Market on weekends. Y’know, I never got to spend so much time back here, but yeah I can definitely see what Curtis Fellows described doing with Ashley back there. It’s got ample room.”
The Delonge Family’s aubergine 8 door passenger van is fully equipped with rear cameras that helped Ashley learn how to parallel park. They also captured the moment when 19-year-old Vincent Delonge fumbled with a condom wrapper as best friend and lover Nathan Fabien urged Vincent inside before the fully automatic doors closed, but opened a whole new sexual world for the two of them. Rod noted that when he offered to give it to Vince and Nate, they smiled knowingly at each other, no doubt remembering the Hockey trips to Halifax he took them on. Both declined to comment.
With recently upgraded Michelin tires, it’s sure to ride much smoother than Ashley Delonge in cowgirl position with Curtis Fellows while they watched The Dark Knight Rises at the Drive-In. Rod is sure that the Honda Odyssey has many more years left and more importantly memories and adventures left in it. “Gosh, my kids grew up in this van, learned to drive in this van and experienced a lot of firsts in it. I would love it to go to a family that keep that tradition alive,” said Rod, before wistfully adding. “don’t tell the kids but my wife gave me a handjob back there once.”
