NORTH BAY, ON – Ontario PC and federal Conservative politicians have filled up a car’s tank of gas for their very first time with little to no assistance at local gas stations across Ontario last Sunday.
“Well, I suppose I could try out this plebeian practice of filling an automobile with petrol,” said Opposition Leader Andrew Scheer to his driver. “I will find my inner-grease monkey, no doubt. Say, Reginald, is this auto a Columbia Electric or a Model T? I always get those two confused.”
Some first-time self-servers struggled in selecting the fuel grade while others offered their best guesses on how the pumped worked. All of the elected representatives participating in the demonstration accidentally purchased a car wash they didn’t need and never used.
“You mean, I have to squeeze this thing to make it go?” said Justice Minister Caroline Mulroney. “My father always got the RCMP bodyguards to do this…
Ew, it smells! Is it supposed to make that smell? I think there’s a leak or something. Screw this! I’m not doing it! Just photo-shop my head onto one of my staffers doing this.”
“Truly, the experience was riveting,” said a giddy Ontario’s Finance Minister Vic Fedeli. “But let’s remember that this carbon tax will cost people more whenever they fill their cars up with oil.”
Education Minister Lisa Thompson complained that while the photo-op was worth it, the entire process took too long and could be made more efficient.
“I could have used that time to lay off 2,000 more teachers,” said Thompson.
