HALIFAX, NS — After much thought, Jacinda Moore has decided she will stay with her current crap boyfriend, Mike Hennigar, due to really wanting a couples’ costume for Halloween 2018.
“I have made this decision after a lot of soul searching”, explains Moore, a 21-year-old Dalhousie student. “Like, yes, Mike sucks because he never answers my texts on time, has terrible table manners and for sure has cheated on me; but Halloween is my favourite time of year! Plus, if you can think of a better costume than Britney and Justin in an all jean ensemble at the 2001 AMA Awards, then you should get an award or something!”
Moore has confirmed that she understands that she can do better than Mike, but feels a societal pressure to look “super cute, quirky, and unexpected” this Halloween season. Moore is especially vigilant this Halloween due to her last break up that occurred on October 29th, 2016, resulting in her costume being the back half of a horse.
Friend of Jacinda’s Sam Johnston concurs with the decision; “She’s already spent $400 on this costume, so they’re in it until at least November 2nd”.
While many couples have experienced similar anxiety around holidays, statistics show that staying together for the couples’ costume is the third most common reason to stay together: the first two being “for the kids”, and “we’re too poor to live alone”.
While other friends, family, and coworkers have shown concern over Moore staying with Mike, Moore interjects, “I’m a young, confident woman, who loves to live in the moment. A solid Instagramable relationship is literally the only missing piece that I need right now.”
When reached for comment, Mike said his only plans for Halloween are to get “fuuuucked”, and “tattoo an ironic pic of Pete Davidson on my thigh”.
