LONDON, ON – In a Dickensian turn of events, local miser Scrooge McFuck has refused to reveal the various characters that comprise his wireless network password to his “friend” that he himself invited into his home.
“I cannot bear to part with such a sacred symbol of mineself with any old Tiny Tom who requests it!” Lord Fibe Optic Dickshit sputtered. “To simply hand out? With no expectation of reciprocity? What is this A Christmas Carol?”
Known colloquially as Baron Pennypincher the Turd, McFuck enjoys perusing his cellular device during movie soirees held at his manor of cordial fuckery, while insisting that all other members of the party try to decipher Wes Anderson’s arcane references without Wikipedia.
“Let me make it clear for the last time, you dirty little working class orphan,” McFuck said while metaphorically making you punch yourself in the face. “We are in my house where I am the Piss King of all purchased services of an intangible nature.”
“I tried to explain to him that nowadays it’s nice to offer out your WiFi password instead of making your guest beg, but he insists that if my cracked Samsung Galaxy S6 connects to his network, his security will be compromised and everyone will know his online banking information,” his friend said exhaustively. “I don’t have any viruses you fucking dick!”
At press time, McFuck had finally coerced his friend to say “Please sir, can I have some data?” while he cackled and explained that he forgot his password since he connects automatically.
